When I woke up this morning, I was anxious.
I didn't know who I was. No, not in a scary, schizophrenic kind of way. I wasn't at peace with who I was, my identity, and what I was called to do.
Every morning is marked by this stress, but especially Monday morning—the morning after I lead worship.
When worship goes well, Monday morning feels empty. I miss the compliments of the crowd. I miss the feeling of a job well done. I feel alone.
When worship is a train wreck (yep, it still happens sometimes), I feel like a failure. I feel like I shouldn't be doing the things that I do. I'm a fake, a phony, and I don't have what it takes. It's probably time for a new career.
Monday mornings. It's quiet. And the silence is deafening to my ears.
Maybe you feel this way? You either feel too much pride in how you performed or you feel too much regret for how royally you failed.
If that's the case, consider Monday morning a gift. Consider the silence a gift. Because when it's all stripped away, you can be your truest self. You—fully alive in the presence of Jesus—fully accepted for who you are and not the work that you do.
If you were never to lead worship again or do anything of significance with your life, you would be a success because God has chosen to love you.
So rather than fretting your life away, thinking about yesterday's train wreck or yesterday's limelight, be present right now in the love of God. Breathe it in. And rather than losing yourself in thoughts of yourself, inhale His lavish love for you and exhale, worship.
Because you are a worshipper. You love Jesus. That's the reason you started leading worship in the first place, remember?
Before it was a job. Before it was a ton of administration. Before it consumed your life, you were consumed by Christ. And that's what compelled you to lead.
Monday morning—it may not be a productive day in the "complete the to-do list" sense, but it could just be the most productive day of the week because you cease your striving and, instead, settle into who you are. Settle into Christ. Love Him. Trust Him. Believe Him. Share Him.
Without this foundation under your life, your work is meaningless toil aimed at serving your own ego. Bleh!
But when you live and move and work and give from a place of humble rest in Christ, life becomes an adventure of worship. And that's the best life to live.
Question: Do you struggle with the morning after Sunday morning? What thoughts are you battling? How do you remind yourself of the truth?
David Santistevan is the worship pastor at Allison Park Church in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. For the original article, visit davidsantistevan.com
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