The Pastor's Wife: The Forgotten Church Member

The pastor's wife might be the most forgotten member of your congregation.
The pastor's wife might be the most forgotten member of your congregation. (Copyright Boggy | Used with permission.)

The church is filled with many different types of church members. Pastors do their best to minister to all of them.

They spend countless hours studying the Word to be ready on Sunday morning, and they counsel every type of situation and pray that God will intervene. The burdens of their congregation members are constantly on their mind. 

But still, someone is left out. The pastor might ask, "Who is the forgotten church member?"

The answer is us—the pastor's wife. This is not a feel-sorry-for-us article, but it is written to bring to the church's attention a very important member who frequently sacrifices a lot but may be overlooked. Every church needs a healthy pastor's wife. 

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I have had the privilege of being a pastor's wife for 20 years. Honestly. I did not have a clue how to do it or what my job description was, but I continued to learn over the years. As I reflect on being a young pastor's wife, I realize I did not have a great deal of guidance or a mentor on how to be one. 

"Likewise, older women should be reverent in behavior, and not be false accusers, not be enslaved to much wine, but teachers of good things, that they may teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, and to be self-controlled, pure, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored" (Titus 2:3-5, MEV).

It is the responsibility of women of God who are older in the faith or more experienced to help younger women coming into full-time ministry or who are married to pastors. I have such a heart to help women in ministry become everything God wants. 

Here are 10 challenges pastors' wives face of which others may not cognizant:

  1. They give their husband over to the ministry and the congregation.
  2. Their personal time, vacations and holidays can be interrupted at any time due to a congregational crisis.
  3. They most likely tend to the home and the children most of the time because most church functions are in the evenings and on weekends.
  4. They don't always get recognized or shown appreciation for how they support or help their husband.
  5. They are the usually the pastor's counselor and confidant, and can carry the weight of her husband's burdens.
  6. They usually do not have close friends or someone they can confide in, so they hold a lot in and can feel alone or isolated.
  7. Most of the time, people pray for the pastor and not usually for his wife or the children.
  8. The pastor's wife usually doesn't get invited to other women's outings from the congregation because of who she is and whom she is married to.
  9. When she has a problem or needs prayer, she doesn't want to burden her husband and cannot go to anyone in the congregation.
  10. When she has marriage issues or is upset with her husband, she cannot go to her pastor because her pastor is her husband.

The role of a pastor's wife is quite interesting, prayerfully for some pastors' wives there may be a better support structure. However, most of us probably deal with some of these things or will.

Here are 10 thoughts that will help any woman in ministry or pastor's wife:

  1. You belong to the Lord and you are significant to Him.
  2. He called you to be a pastor's wife because you are a strong woman of God with the strength to be that support to the man of God.
  3. You have a special purpose to fulfill and through your faithfulness the Lord will reward you.
  4. Your identity does not come from being a pastor's wife or a mother, your identity comes from the Lord. 
  5. Seek the Lord on how you can make a difference in the precious role that you have.
  6. Don't seek affirmation or attention from others. The Lord sees your sacrifice and in time will send you special friends who will appreciate you and be an encouragement to you.
  7. When you have a problem or need prayer, you can go to the Holy Spirit. He is the Wonderful Counselor and He is always interceding for you and taking you before the Father!
  8. Learn to communicate respectfully your needs to your husband, pray for your marriage and for him. Your marriage will bring glory to the Lord and your children need your marriage to work.
  9. Your children will not fulfill their destiny if you don't, so don't give up.
  10. Serving in the ministry and being a pastor's wife is a privilege and an honor. Reverence the Lord and His work. 

Pastor's wife, you are precious to the Lord. He has a plan and purpose for your life and you are very significant to the Lord, to your husband and your church congregation. Know that you can do all this through Him who gives you strength (Phil. 4:13).

Along with her husband, Pastor Luis Reyes, Tricia Reyes is the co-founder of The New Church Of Joy in Waukegan, Illinois. She is a blogger, author and helps manage her daughter Madison's (Maddie Rey) Music Ministry. She is a devoted wife and mother to Madison and Matthew and loves the Lord with all her heart! To learn more about Tricia's ministry or to book her for a Women's Event/Conference visit her website at or

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