20 Keys to a Healthy Pastor's Marriage

A pastor's marriage can be one of the most challenging relationships of all.
A pastor's marriage can be one of the most challenging relationships of all. (Copyright Hongqi Zhang/Dreamstime.com)

Most church congregations can be curious on what the pastor's marriage is like. With the man of God and the first lady, there seems to be a mystery about this influential couple in the church.

I have been married to my pastor husband for 20 years, praise the Lord! The only mystery we have found is: "How do you stay happily married?" 

We realize all marriages can be vulnerable and need the Lord to survive. Research has shown that between 30 and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, including church-going couples. That's a large percentage of couples who are calling it quits.

Pastors' marriages are included in this statistic. Why? Keeping your marriage healthy is hard, but a pastor's marriage can be extremely challenging to keep on the right path. As a pastor and a wife, your life is very devoted to a church congregation. Your personal life is very open and can be interrupted at any time for a congregational crisis. 

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Pastors carry a huge burden to minister, counsel and pray for the church congregation, which can leave him depleted when he comes home at night. The wife is usually left with the home and kids to tend to, and still having to work at the church or a job outside of the home. After a while, life can be difficult to juggle.

You have two people passionate about the Lord and His body, yet they find themselves worn out, and they can eventually turn on each other. For this influential and mysterious couple, they don't always have someone to turn to when they need help. They find themselves going through the motions in everyday life, and they become more distant as the years go by. 

Being a married couple in ministry, we have found some keys to a healthy marriage. Here are 20 of them:

  • Keep God at the center of your marriage.
  • Be quick to forgive.
  • Love each other unconditionally (1 Cor. 13:4-8).
  • Repent; be willing to change.
  • Compromise to help each other—don't draw lines.
  • You are accountable to the Lord.
  • Allow your love to change in different seasons of your life.
  • Treasure the person God gave you.
  • Focus more on your spouse's strengths.
  • You are not perfect; you have weaknesses as well.
  • Give your spouse freedom to share what they feel without an argument.
  • Be sensitive to your spouse's hobbies.
  • Never allow your intimacy to diminish.
  • Try to enjoy your life together every day.
  • Do for your spouse what you said you wouldn't do anymore.
  • Be willing to go into the danger zone—communicate.
  • Always make room to grow yourself/mature in the marriage.
  • Pray for your spouse even when they have hurt you.
  • Learn how to function as one flesh.
  • Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

Marriage is a beautiful relationship the Lord put together. My husband and I are learning every day that together we can bring glory to God by having a healthy marriage.

After 20 years, we are learning how to really love each other and enjoy our marriage. We are not different than any other married couple; we've experienced our bumps and bruises along the way, and at times were not sure if we were going to make it. Through the grace of God and a spirit of humility, we are on a new journey of intimacy and happiness in our marriage!

To download the detailed brochure on the "20 Keys to a Healthy Marriage," click here.

Along with her husband, Pastor Luis Reyes, Tricia Reyes is the co-founder of The New Church Of Joy in Waukegan, Illinois. She is a blogger, author and helps manage her daughter Madison's (Maddie Rey) Music Ministry. She is a devoted wife and mother to Madison and Matthew and loves the Lord with all her heart! To learn more about Tricia's ministry or to book her for a Women's Event/Conference visit her website at triciareyes.com or thenewchurchofjoy.com.

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