Years ago I had a secret—a secret so shameful, that I could not tell anyone. At the time, it just wasn't done.

It was a secret that wasn't spoken about at dinner parties, and a problem you were expected to solve on your own. I had carried the secret for years; it kept me up at night, and was like a piece of malware always running in the background of my mind. My secret was making me sick.

Pastor, do you have a secret you wish you didn't have? Is it one that you don't want anyone else to ever discover? Are you getting tired of hiding this part of you, of masking over the pain and the shame?

Is it a secret that only you and your spouse know about? Or, maybe, they don't even know? Is your secret making you sick?

A Secret Weapon Against Secret Sins

One of the secret weapons against secrets is also one of the secret weapons against sin. That weapon is ... the light of day! Your secret only has power because it's a secret. As long as it's a secret, it has control over you. Once you shine the light of day on it, it loses its power and hold on you. Once you tell your secret to another person, you share the burden of it, and it begins its descent into irrelevancy.

God does not want us pastors to carry secrets. They lead to shame, guilt, lies, a troubled mind and emotional exhaustion. God doesn't want us doing ministry alone, and he certainly doesn't want us carrying our burdens, our secrets, alone.

Maybe it is time for you to come clean, to share your secret with a trusted friend or mentor. Maybe you need to share the burden of it with another, and to get help. When you tell your secret, it's like a new car immediately after you drive it off the show room floor; it drops in value big time! A shared secret loses its teeth, and releases its bite on you.

Back To My Secret Sin

Dear God. I carried that thing around, with my wife's help, for years. We sweat over it, prayed about it, tried our hardest to fix it, and did make some progress. In fact, we made a good deal of progress. But we bore it in silence, and in secret, hoping no one would find out. If they did, they would think less of us, perhaps consider us unworthy of ministry.

When it was time for us to move to a new ministry, I decided I would open up and let our new church leaders know up front what my secret was. I was almost sick over it. No, I was sick over it! I wasn't sure they would want me. I'll never forget the call.

We were scheduled to go and candidate in two weeks, and I did not want to do that without them knowing my secret. I was honest and open. I shared my secret. To my shock, and delight, it was a nonstarter. "Is that all you've got?" they said. I was floored, and felt a ton of weight being lifted off my shoulders.

"Has it been difficult?" they asked. "Yes" I said. "Then good, we want a pastor who has been through the wringer and knows what it's like. We want a pastor who has crashed and burned, and knows what it means to get up and keep going. We're on your side, we're in this together."

I Had No More Secrets—I Was Free

After we hung up, I sat there in my van, staring at my cell phone. I had carried this secret for almost eight years! Did this just happen? I started to cry. Then I knew. This is what grace is. I finally experienced it. Grace. Love. Acceptance. Jesus. This is the body of Christ. I'm pretty sure I could not have been more relieved, happier or more full of peace than I was that evening. They knew. And they still wanted me.

What was my secret, you ask? I'll never tell! You see, you don't have to tell everybody your secret for your burden to be lifted. You just have to tell the right person or persons.

Paul said, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." James said, "Confess your sins one to another, that you may be healed." If I actually told you my secret, you would say, "oh yeah, that" and move on to the next thing. No big deal. But it was huge to me, because I had no one to help me carry it.

What secret are you carrying? Can I scream it? Here I go—FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, BARE YOUR BURDEN! TELL SOMEONE! SHARE YOUR SECRET! Watch it lose its power and feel the weight roll off your shoulders. Then understand what Paul meant when he said, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Jeff Keady is the pastor of Dover Church in Orange City, Iowa. Jeff partners with Jonny Craig at 200churches.com and the #1 podcast dedicated to providing ministry encouragement to pastors of small churches.

For the original article, visit pastors.com.

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