It's OK. Trust me, it is.
Your struggle, doubt and lack of faith isn't the end of you. It doesn't have to be the end of your ministry.
In fact, it might just be the beginning of something extraordinary.
We all have those moments. We know we need to be strong, full of faith, men and women living in the power of God. Truth is, sometimes we doubt. We stand on stage in a ministry role and struggle to believe God is who He says He is at times. We feel weak.
Ever been there? If you have, it's a scary place to be and it's even scarier to admit.
Will God abandon me because I doubt Him? Am I destined for destruction? What will my pastor think? Should I still be a leader?
Make It Personal
I'm writing this today because we all need to come to this place. And I'm arguing that it's a good place to be. Our faith needs to becomes our own. It needs to become personal.
We can't live off of our parent's decision to follow Christ. We aren't our spiritual mentors. We can't just worship out of a place of duty. We can't follow Jesus and be in ministry only to escape hell.
Effective leaders will own their faith and be willing to die for it. They will lead their teams and families out of a depth and reality in Jesus and not just a secondhand experience. Worship leader, for you to be the best leader you can be, you need to come to this place.
But God isn't afraid of your doubt. In fact, He's waiting to reveal His presence and power to you in a way that is fresh and alive.
The problem is when we embrace our doubt more than we embrace Christ. There begins a drift where we trust our own intellects over the Word of God. We follow our feelings more than the Holy Spirit. The greatest reality becomes not what almighty God has spoken but what we feel is true.
Consider this:
"Watch, stand fast in the faith, be bold like men, and be strong" (1 Cor. 16:13, MEV).
In the midst of your doubt, be on your guard. The enemy will seek to undermine what God has spoken and what God has done.
Also:
"Be sober and watchful, because your adversary the devil walks around as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour" (1 Pet. 5:8, MEV).
The Wrestle
Doubts are fine as long as we bring them into the presence of God and wrestle there. The wrestle can't happen elsewhere. We need to have the bravery to admit our doubts and bring them to God, not withdraw from Him.
Your job isn't to have it all figured out. Your job is to draw near.
When people look at your life they don't need to be impressed with your faith and strength. They should simply see you turning your eyes on Jesus. Drawing near. Coming closer. And that's something that happens in seasons of victory and seasons of trial and doubt.
Don't place your hope and confidence in your own ability to be strong or holy. Be confident in who God is within You.
Do you struggle with seasons like this? How do you get honest with yourself and God?
David Santistevan is a worship pastor at Allison Park Church in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. 
For the original article, visit davidsantistevan.com.
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