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Addressing ‘Intimacy Anorexia’

 Why it’s critical to stop the silent cancer of many marriages from spreading through your ministryf-Weiss-Intimacy-Anorexia

 

As a Christian leader, you are more than likely dealing with 

marriages on a regular basis. You may have seen marriages destroyed by adultery, alcoholism or sexual addiction. Although devastating, the dissolving of this type of marriage, due to the circumstances, makes sense.

But there is another type of marriage that slowly dies and it’s harder to put a finger on the problem. This marriage often looks good on the outside for decades. The husband and wife may have been singing in the choir or served as cell group leaders, deacons and Sunday school teachers for years. They are raising their family, and some of them are doing a variety of marriage-related ministries.

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How to Have a Happy Marriage in Ministry

Building a strong marriage and a healthy church should not be at odds. Father-son pastors share their win-win strategies.f-Stockstills-HappyMarriage


Is it possible to pastor a large congregation and have a happy marriage at the same time? Yes, say Larry Stockstill, a teaching pastor at Bethany World Prayer Center in Baton Rouge, La., and his son, Jonathan Stockstill, senior pastor of the 5,000-strong congregation.

Here the two pastors tell how God has helped them enjoy a strong marriage and fruitful ministry.

Larry Stockstill:

After 35 years of marriage, I believe a happy wife is the key to a happy marriage. It’s not in the Bible, but “if Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy!” The happiness in my marriage has been structured around seven basic principles.

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When it comes to marriage, ‘Thou Shalt Honor’

How honoring your spouse can turn your marriage into the most remarkable and rewarding experience of your life and ministryf-Smally-Honor


Sometime back, I—being a loving, sensitive husband whose whole ministry is based on the concept of honoring others—was talking to my wife, Norma, on the phone. In the course of our conversation I asked, “What do you need from me that I’m not giving you right now?”

She responded, “You don’t know how to honor me.” Naturally, I laughed, assuming she was joking. I thought, “You can’t be serious!” I said, “That’s a good one! But what do you really need?” And she said with all seriousness, “No, I’m not kidding. You don’t know how to honor me.”

Honor Is a Diamond

Obviously, after all these years, we still need to work at this idea of honoring each other. And it is work. In my mind, honor is a diamond. We started out with a rough, raw stone. And over the years, I’ve made several major cuts and polishes, turning it into a beautiful gem. As far as I’m usually concerned, I’m doing a great job and it’s ready to mount and display. Norma, on the other hand—because she knows me better than anyone—realizes that there are still some rough surfaces, and she sees them all every day.

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Fasting Forward

Prepare your church for a 2012 breakthrough with a corporate fast in Januaryf-Franklin-FastingForward


For several years now, many in my church, Free Chapel, have joined me in a 21-day fast to seek and honor God in January for the new year. By starting each year with a corporate fast, we have found that God meets with us in very unique and special ways. His presence grows greater and greater with each day of the fast. Without fail, He always shows up.

Corporately fasting in January is much the same precept as praying in the morning to establish the will of God for the entire day. I believe that, if we will pray and seek God and give Him our best at the first of the year, He will bless our entire year. “But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matt. 6:33).

Short Season, Lasting Effect

Fasting is a short season that produces a lasting effect. Out of 365 days in a year, 21 days is not that long to take a break from your routine and experience a fresh encounter with God. We fast corporately as a church at the beginning of every year because that short season sets the course for the rest of the year.

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How Ministry Marriages Can Thrive

Avoiding three common traps will help your marriage not just survivef-Evans-MinistryMarriages


In the beginning, Karen and I were lay members of the church I now pastor. I worked in my family’s electronics and appliance business until one day, the pastor of our church asked me to come on staff as a marriage counselor. Karen and I had been leading a large Bible study, and many couples in the church had been coming to us for counseling.

So in August 1982, I joined the staff of Trinity Fellowship Church in Amarillo, Texas. My official role was marriage and pre-marriage counselor. Ten months later, the church’s senior pastor resigned and I was selected to take his place. Within a year, I’d gone from selling appliances to leading a church with 900 members. I wasn’t prepared, to say the least.

Karen and I had a strong marriage before I went on staff, but the burden of ministry had taken its toll on us almost immediately. After I became senior pastor, it intensified. I made a lot of mistakes as a husband and father. I saw the negative effect those mistakes had on Karen and our two children.

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Divorce-Proof Your Church

Ten keys for building rock-solid relationships that go the distancef-Clinton-DivorceProof


Believe it or not, 85 percent of Americans still get married. Why? Because God created us that way. At the core of who we are, we long for safe, loving, committed relationships. You don’t have to look very far in the Bible to realize that He also wants to bless our love and marriage.

What’s troubling today is that the majority of couples eventually break up. Research estimates that between 40 to 50 percent of today’s marriages end in divorce. If you count couples that separate but don’t divorce, the statistic is even higher. The snowball effect? Tragically, one in three children now live in single-parent homes or do not live with their parents at all.

Behind pasted-on smiles and closed doors is a lot of brokenness from love gone bad. As a pastoral counselor and marriage and family therapist, I’ve sat and talked with countless clients, and over and over again I hear the same cry of the heart: “All I ever wanted was for someone to love me.”

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