Many churches are doing more harm than good in their attempts to alleviate poverty. Here’s how to fix that. read more
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Many churches are doing more harm than good in their attempts to alleviate poverty. Here’s how to fix that. read more
Meet seven everyday people who started with a seemingly ‘small’ idea to make a difference in their communities—and are now changing lives in a big way. read more
With community needs rising in economically tough times, many pastors find themselves unequipped and unprepared for dire situations. Here’s how online education can change that anytime, anywhere.
Job losses and tanking stock portfolios. Mortgage crises, foreclosures and mounting bills. Divorces, addictions, affairs and other scandals. What used to be a staple only in news headlines and tabloid magazines made its way into almost every church this past year, as congregants and communities alike struggled with an unraveling culture. Pastors across the nation found themselves face to face with a surging tsunami of needs, to which they responded and continue to respond.
In the process, however, many church leaders discovered an equally pressing need for them to be educated, equipped and trained. A growing number are realizing the important role that practical, applicable knowledge plays when combined with Holy Spirit impartation and raw life experience.
Enter online education. An anomaly only a few years ago, it is now an essential for every Bible college, seminary, university and theological institute. And that’s great news for pastors who don’t have the option of putting life on hold to pursue a degree on campus. Online education can offer the perfect solution for “on the go” lifelong learning. But since not all distance-learning programs are created equal, here are a few things to consider when deciding where to go for your schooling.
Accredited vs. Unaccredited
Accreditation is the license given to religious vocational schools by the federal government and some states permitting them to grant degrees and diplomas. To be accredited, a school must be approved by an accrediting agency within CHEA (Council for Higher Education Accreditation). These agencies are recognized by the U.S. Department of Education. To find out if the school you’re interested in is accredited, visit chea.org.
Unaccredited schools may be licensed in some states to offer religious vocational degrees, certificates and/or diplomas. All of them should be able to report to you in writing the licensing or religious-exemption relation they have with your state. This way, you can be certain your school complies with state laws and regulations through your state’s department of education.
What are the major differences between accredited and unaccredited? Accredited schools can provide federal financial aid, academically trained faculty, extensive library and research facilities, and accurate measures for student grading and transcripts, recording both student performance and hours earned that can be recognized by other accredited schools.
Accredited programs of study are more rigorous than unaccredited ones. They require more online “classroom” hours, and some involve more direct interaction. Of course, papers, assignments, tests and semester schedules are a part of accredited online distance education. Bachelor’s through M.Div. (Master of Divinity) degrees can be pursued online, but accredited D.Min. (Doctor of Ministry) programs all require some on-site or on-campus instruction.
Unaccredited education is usually less demanding and costly, easier to complete in a short time and more accessible to large groups of people. It’s a great option for pastors who want skill training or spiritual impartation from leaders whose ministries they value. It’s also a step up from most church curriculum.
There are a few negatives to going this route, however. You can’t use what you have earned for future study in an accredited institution or on your résumé as part of your job application. If the school doesn’t have proper state licensing or exemption, then what you have received may be illegal.
Whether you opt for accredited or unaccredited, consider these factors:
Here are three popular questions about online ministry education:
1. Can unaccredited academic studies or life experience be counted in my application for a degree program at an accredited institution? All accredited institutions have some policies for considering unaccredited work for “advanced academic standing.” Each institution has a set policy regarding advanced standing that has been worked out with its accreditation provider. Ask the question while you are in the process of applying. Some pastors never consider that their documented ministry or work experience may be considered for advanced standing at the graduate level.
Note: Don’t call a school’s administrative office and ask if “such and such” can count for credits. You must apply, and everything must be in writing, before a school will determine your academic standing.
2. Do I have to take Greek and Hebrew? Most accredited M.Div. programs require original-language study. Greek and/or Hebrew opens up wonderful revelation in Scripture. It’s worth the effort, cost and time.
3. Is financial aid available? Yes. Accredited schools have federal loans and grants available for undergraduate and some graduate programs. The financial aid officer can tell you how to apply.
As a pastor, lifelong learning and continuing your education isn’t an option but an obligation to those you serve. Even when it’s done online, systematic study can reap a wonderful harvest of truth and practical ministry tools for equipping both you and those you lead. read more
How the organic church makes followers of Jesus
Although discipleship is a hot-button issue right now, there’s nothing new about it. Historically, the emphasis placed on this fundamental part of the Christian walk has moved in waves.
The word discipleship took on new popularity after Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s The Cost of Discipleship was published in English in 1948. Parachurch organizations began to emphasize “making disciples” rather than just converting souls. Thus modern discipleship programs were born. But soon people began to see these programs as legalistic. Young believers eventually burned out from the rote and rigors of regimented prayer, Bible study, confession of sins and weekly witnessing. What began as an exciting prospect turned into religious duty and drudgery. Accusations of lukewarmness arose, fueling the perception of legalism.
On the heels of this came a shift toward extreme grace that infiltrated the early days of the Jesus movement. This reaction bred a segment of Christendom who swung the pendulum of legalism to the other side and were highly undisciplined and morally lax.
The “discipleship/shepherding” movement’s emergence in the early ’70s sought to correct this problem of “greasy grace” by swinging the pendulum back to the earlier ways of discipling young Christians. This time, however, it added a line of theology built on a stringent view of submission to authority. The result wasn’t pretty. Many lives were devastated by top-heavy, high-handed, authoritarian leaders who wielded power and control under the banner of “submission to authority.”
Almost 40 years later, today’s youth know little about these earlier movements nor the roots of modern “discipleship.” In fact, that term has taken on another wind. Yet history and its cyclical patterns teach us this sober lesson: Whenever Christian leaders observe a waning in the faith commitment of young believers, they assume that the antidote is “discipleship” as a method and program.
A Modern ‘Reframe-ation’
For the last two decades I’ve been involved in the organic church phenomenon that’s sweeping across the world. I wrote extensively on organic church life in my book Reimagining Church, but here’s a brief overview:
Organic churches meet much like the New Testament assembly did. They have no clergy or professional pastors and typically don’t own a building. They often meet in homes or occasionally in rented spaces. The members participate in all of the church’s decisions. In corporate meetings, every member is active, functioning according to his gifts. Leadership is present, but it doesn’t dominate, control or usurp, and it is exercised by everyone in the church.
Members know each other deeply and live a shared life in Christ. This authentic community is one of the hallmarks of organic churches. Yet perhaps their most outstanding feature is the emphasis on the indwelling Christ and the belief that Jesus is the only head of His church. This belief isn’t simply a theological proposition; it’s the practical experience of all authentic organic churches.
One of the most striking observations I’ve made over the last 21 years is how disciple-making operates in an organic church compared to a more traditional/institutional church. Those who stress the importance of discipleship today take their cue from Jesus’ exhortation to His disciples to “make disciples of all the nations” (Matt. 28:19). Yet a significant follow-up question to that commission is rarely asked—namely, how did the 12 make disciples? The answer is telling.
The 12 didn’t set up discipleship classes or programs. They didn’t put one Christian above another in a hierarchical chain of command. They didn’t create accountability groups or unmovable regiments for observing spiritual disciplines. Instead, they planted vibrant Christian communities all across Palestine. Likewise, Paul of Tarsus made disciples by planting Christian communities throughout the gentile world. To the early believers, Christian community was the only discipleship “program” that existed, and it was sufficient.
My point: The way the 12 made disciples was the same way Jesus made disciples. To wit, Jesus lived with a group of men and women for three and a half years. During that time, they shared their lives together under the headship of Christ. Jesus, the 12 and some women all experienced authentic community with Jesus as the center of their community life.
In the same way, the men whom Jesus commissioned planted authentic Christian communities all across the world, and within such communities, disciples were naturally made. Those communities were organic rather than institutional.
It’s impossible to separate the ekklesia from Jesus Christ; it’s His very body. And according to the New Testament, you can’t separate discipleship from the ekklesia any more than you can separate childrearing from the family. In organic churches today, each member becomes “discipled” simply by being part of the shared-life community. Here are some of the features of organic church life that explain how this occurs:
1. Spiritual formation is tied to knowing Christ deeply with others. Organic church life doesn’t include religious duty, programs and methods. The focus is on knowing Jesus. Organic churches recognize that Christ is alive and can be known profoundly. They understand God’s goal is to “form Christ” within the believing community (see Gal. 4:19).
Extra-local church planters give organic churches a rich revelation of Jesus through their spoken ministry. They also offer members practical ways of knowing Him—both individually and corporately. Because of this, members often pursue the Lord together during the week. Knowing Christ together is a large part of their shared life.
2. Spiritual growth occurs naturally in the context of Christian community. The responsibility for discipleship doesn’t rest on the individual in the organic church. Spiritual growth isn’t an individual pursuit. Organic churches by definition are shared-life communities. Members are intimately involved in one another’s lives. Hence, they seek the Lord together during the week, often in pairs or threes. They use Scripture together, not as a means to gain academic knowledge or sermon material, but as a means to learn Christ and fellowship with Him in the Spirit.
Organic churches understand that Christians are “new creatures.” Every creature or species has a unique habitat. When a species is removed from its native habitat, it either dies or some of its natural functions turn dormant. As new creatures in Christ, Christans have a native habitat: the ekklesia—a shared-life community that gathers by, to, through and for the Lord Jesus. Spiritual growth occurs when God’s people live in their native habitat. And that’s exactly what authentic organic churches afford.
3. Transformation takes place by the every-member functioning of the body in regular corporate meetings. Organic churches do not have the typical Sunday morning order of worship in which a minister preaches a monologue to a passive congregation. Instead, their meetings are marked by open participation. Every member functions and shares. He plans with others as a group, prepares in private and then brings something wonderful of Christ to share with everyone else. In an organic church, corporate meetings are the place to give rather than to simply receive (see 1 Cor. 14:26).
It’s easy to assume these meetings would be chaotic. But extra-local church planters equip organic churches to prepare and share the Lord in meetings that are “done decently and in order” (1 Cor. 14:40). The result is an unveiling of Christ as He is “assembled” by members of the body in a visible way.
Mutual exhortation in regular Christian gatherings is a major key to spiritual growth (see Heb. 10:24-25). It’s written in the bloodstream of the universe: If you don’t function, you don’t grow. And if you don’t give, you don’t receive. Organic churches are strong on mutual exhortation and encouragement because everyone participates in the gatherings.
4. The marker for discipleship is living by an indwelling Lord rather than by trying to imitate His outward behavior. An organic church can be defined as a group of people learning to live by Christ together. Consider how our Lord lived while on earth: God the Father indwelt Jesus by the Holy Spirit; and Jesus lived by His indwelling Father.
After Jesus ascended, He came back to earth in the Spirit to take up residence in all who trust in Him (see John 14-16; Rom. 8:1-11). For this reason Paul calls Jesus a “life-giving Spirit” (1 Cor. 15:45). Therefore, what the Father was to Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ is to you and me. He’s our indwelling Lord. The Lord declared, “As the living Father sent me, and I live because the Father, so he who feeds on Me will live because of Me” (John 6:57). Paul later wrote, “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me” (Gal. 2:20).
Organic churches, therefore, do not strive to be like Jesus. That only leads to failure and frustration. Jesus Himself said that without the Father, He could do nothing (see John 5:19). Jesus then said to us, “Without Me, you can do nothing” (15:5). The members of an organic church are focused on learning how to live by the indwelling life of Christ. And therein lies what being a follower—a disciple—of Jesus is all about. It’s not about trying to imitate His outward actions. It’s about imitating how He lived His peerless life—by the indwelling life of God.
Essentially, discipleship boils down to learning how to live by Christ. Jesus’ followers live by the life of their Master, just as He lived by His Father’s life. This, in fact, is the taproot of organic church life.
The practical fruit of all of the above is simply amazing. The sense of guilt, condemnation and religious duty dissipates, eclipsed by a love affair with the Lord Jesus, where each member is secure in His unconditional, relentless love for him or her. That loves spills over to God, to one another and to the lost. Further, their chief passion in life is to know Christ and to express Him together with their brothers and sisters.
The organic church has no clergy; yet every member is a conduit of divine life and shares it with the rest of the body. The organic church has no discipleship programs; yet every member’s relationship is an outflow of the eternal relationship between the Father and the Son through the Spirit. The organic church has no sacred buildings; yet each living room becomes the boundary between heaven and earth where God in Christ is encountered and expressed visibly.
This is the environment in which authentic discipleship takes place naturally and without effort.
Frank Viola is a conference speaker and author of numerous books, including his latest release, Finding Organic Church. For more information and free resources, visit his Web site at ptmin.org.
Churches are discovering that generosity isn’t just an
essential component of discipleship, it’s an integral part of spiritual formation.
Cross Timbers Community Church in Argyle, Texas, amazed its community earlier this year by passing the offering plates and encouraging people to take out money if they needed it. To everyone’s surprise, that day they had their largest offering ever.
Pastor Toby Slough explained the situation in an interview with Fox News: “I just sensed in the middle of this economy we had a lot of our members who were feeling guilty when the offering plate was passed. I wanted it to be a time of joy for them, so we told them if they had a need, they could take money out.”
As the concept gained momentum, the church was eventually able to bless people who were unemployed by paying their utility bills. “I’m excited to watch people in need receive because I know as they are blessed, they are going to become givers,” he said. Cross Timbers is one of many churches across the nation today using innovative ways to step up and address the financial needs of their members and their communities. But how does such generosity—blended with action—come about? We all know the benefits of giving, but actually creating a church culture in which giving is second nature can be difficult, particularly during these economically tough times. How can churches build into their members the value that true discipleship includes the oft-neglected aspect of being a generous giver?
Preaching to Give
Andy Stanley of North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, Ga., says the teaching team at his church talks about generosity not because of what they can get from their people, but because of what they want for their people. A similar paradigm shift is occurring in the leadership of countless churches, and it’s resulting in a renewed understanding of discipleship.
“A lot of pastors today are seeing stewardship as an essential part of the spiritual formation of their congregation,” says Chris Willard, director of the Generous Churches Leadership Community at Dallas-based Leadership Network. “They’re teaching about money because they understand that the way we deal with our God-given resources says a lot about our discipleship. It used to be that pastors only talked about money when they needed to raise money. Now they’re talking about it because it’s an important part of spiritual formation. That means they have to talk about giving more than before. And talking about it more builds it more naturally into the flow of the church so people don’t get that there-he-goes-again feeling.”
Indeed, setting the stage for a culture of generosity usually begins onstage with pastors preaching and teaching on the subject. That’s the case at Antioch Community Church in Waco, Texas, where preaching about giving isn’t unusual since it’s a core value of the church. “We call people to be generous,” says the church’s administrative pastor, Jeff Abshire. “We lead people in the countercultural message of generosity for the sake of the kingdom.”
For example, Antioch’s senior pastor recently preached a sermon from Acts 2 on sharing common resources. At the end of the sermon he summoned everyone in the congregation who had a financial need to come up front, and for the rest of the people to ask God how He wanted them to meet those needs. As people began to pray, many felt led to come forward and offer money directly. One woman was given $20 but only needed $10, so she gave the remaining $10 to someone else. The day became known as “Keep the Money Moving Sunday.”
Other churches have developed a giving culture by first delving into why its members weren’t naturally generous. Executive Pastor Mark Davis of Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale in Florida says the wake-up call came for his church when they launched a capital campaign that received a lukewarm response. “We realized something very crucial: Our people hadn’t been taught how to give,” he says. “We discovered that our body was not well-informed or educated. We realized we needed to challenge people in all areas of stewardship.”
As the church leaders looked into what the Bible says about giving and what other churches were doing to educate their people, their thinking began to change. “We had been looking at giving as a practice, but we began to view it as a lifestyle,” Davis says.
Caught From the Top-Down
Pastors can wax eloquent from the platform about stewardship, yet if they want to see a genuine shift in congregants making generous giving a lifestyle, they must first evaluate their own lives.
“Generosity starts with our elders and then moves through our staff,” says Neal Joseph, former executive pastor at Fellowship Bible Church in Brentwood, Tenn. “That way we set it into the DNA of our church. Generosity is a shared responsibility. ”
Bruce Mazzare, a lay leader at Antioch Community Church, says one of the keys to his church’s success in discipleship is an understanding among leadership that generosity “is not taught—it’s caught. Our leadership lives simply, which has made a profound impact on our people. ”
This top-down philosophy is modeled increasingly by forward-thinking churches. People learn by example, so when leaders live and give generously, people learn to act the same way.
At Gateway Church in Southlake, Texas, leaders model a generous life by giving up their salaries during months of special giving. “Generosity is a value that is modeled at the top level. It’s not just something we talk about,” says Gateway’s Associate Senior Pastor David Smith.
Radical giving started with Gateway’s senior pastor, Robert Morris, who writes in his book The Blessed Life about a time when he believed God told him to give away both his cars, his house and all the money in his bank account. “I remember thinking to myself, This time I’ve out-given the Lord!” Morris recalls. But soon after, God provided him with an airplane, hangar, fuel, maintenance, a pilot and traveling expenses. Says Morris: “As I stood there stammering and stunned, I heard the still, small voice of the Lord whisper in my spirit, ‘Gotcha.’”
Other pastors make it a regular practice to donate 20 percent of their time to causes outside their congregations. “That’s why it’s easy for our leaders to talk about it, because they’re doing it,” says Pastor Scott Ridout of Sun Valley Community Church in Gilbert, Ariz.
There’s a caveat to this “lead by example” approach to generosity, however: Because the mere mention of money can cause some people to instinctively question church leadership, pastors must realize that trust is often the most crucial ingredient in creating a culture of generosity. Pastor Dave Rodriguez discovered this truth at Grace Community Church in Noblesville, Ind.
When the church was founded in 1991, money scandals so rocked the Christian world that Grace Church steered clear of mentioning money. But later Rodriguez realized they weren’t serving their people by avoiding the topic. Believing that giving is a vital part of discipleship, they hired staff in 2000, which led to the start of their “Faith and Finances” ministry.
“If people don’t trust the leaders of the church to spend the money under God’s direction, they won’t give generously,” he says. “Building trust sometimes involves periods of tremendous pain to show people that you are willing to sacrifice to do what God calls you to do.”
Teaching on generosity starts at the front of the church, and establishing a culture of giving begins within those in leadership. But there’s an added dynamic when generous giving is viewed as an essential part of discipleship.
Jeanette Dickens of Mount Pisgah United Methodist in Alpharetta, Ga., explains, “We want to create a culture of generosity—a continual message of living in the fullness of Christ.”
Willard agrees, adding that teaching stewardship is different from asking for funds. “We need to ask, but we want people to live generously all the time, not just when prompted,” he says. “Part of what we want to do in the lives of our people is to disciple them in all areas. We want them to grow in their view that God owns all their stuff, and He wants us to use it in a way that honors Him.”
To further this discipleship aspect, Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale not only teaches giving as part of its classes on spiritual gifts but also sends selected members to Generous Giving conferences and seminars sponsored by Crown Financial Ministries (see “Generosity Jumpstart”). Along with using prepared curricula from Crown or Financial Peace University, some churches develop their own discipleship programs.
Many churches target specific age or income groups with their discipleship programs. Central Christian Church of Henderson, Nev., teaches financial management to premarital couples, while other congregations work with seniors to integrate generosity and estate planning. At Church of the Resurrection in Kansas City, Mo., parents teach their kids about money through a parent-coaching ministry. Developed by a layperson in the church, the program disciples kids in biblical concepts of generosity and helps them start saving and tithing. Rather than receiving an allowance, kids do chores to earn a weekly “salary.”
At Gateway Church, teaching on stewardship is aimed at four income groups: (1) people in crisis; (2) people who need the basics; (3) people with healthy financial lives and (4) people who are wealthy. Financial Stewardship Pastor Gunnar Johnson says the third group is the most neglected. “These are typically 30-somethings with fairly disposable income. We want to help them grapple with the questions: How much is enough? Why has God given me this surplus?”
Most pastors agree that the best way to learn generosity is just to “do” it. People will rise to meet needs as they are given opportunities.
Joseph recalls a pivotal moment at Fellowship Bible Church: “On one Sunday morning we gave more than 2,000 pairs of shoes to people in Peru, Sudan, Mississippi and an African village. Our pastor took off his own shoes and asked for everyone to donate the shoes they had worn to church that day. It was a practical application of giving without worrying about tax receipts.”
And generous living must be celebrated. Generous Giving Executive Vice President Todd Harper stresses, “If pastors want their churches to grow in Christian generosity, they must learn to celebrate it by including it in the worship service, encouraging people when they give and inviting givers to share their giving testimonies with the church.
“Jesus talked about money from the perspective of its importance in relation to our heart, and that’s what we’re driving at,” Harper says. “We’re trying to invite people into a life of wholehearted surrender to Christ. Often, especially with the affluent, money is the primary competitor to lordship in their lives. But as Jesus said in Matthew 6:24, you can’t serve both God and money.”
Willard adds: “The Bible makes a clear connection between the way people think about money and the way they think about God. Someone has said that you can tell a lot about a person’s spiritual life by looking at his checkbook. It may be an oversimplification, but it’s pretty true. As people learn to follow Christ, their pocketbooks come along.
“We don’t want to make people feel guilty about it,” he says, “but to invite them to experience the joy of generosity. That’s what captivates people’s hearts, when they experience that it’s more blessed to give than to receive.”
When it comes to discipleship, teachers sometimes learn the joy of generosity from their students. “We were on a mission trip in Moscow,” says Calvary Chapel’s Davis. “As we were loading the bus to go back to the airport, we told the kids they could either keep their leftover rubles as souvenirs or we could collect them and give them back to the church where we had worked.
“The kids scrambled frantically to gather all they could to put in the bucket. They realized their money was about to be worthless to them. I realized that that’s the way we should live every day—giving our money away as if it’s about to become worthless.”
Lois Swagerty is a freelance writer for Leadership Network (leadnet.org). She lives in Carlsbad, Calif., with her husband. read more
Don’t buy into the myth—pastors’ families can raise emotionally and spiritually healthy children
What do Marvin Gaye, Denzel Washington, Condoleezza Rice, Alice Cooper and Jessica Simpson have in common? If you know anything about their backgrounds, you can probably guess. They are all “PKs”—also known as “preacher’s kids.”
Often thrust into the limelight and weighed down with unreasonable expectations from an early age, PKs frequently struggle with unique challenges. Thankfully, most of them manage to become emotionally and spiritually healthy adults. However, it requires skill, insight and discernment to parent a PK and help him navigate the sometimes-rough waters of being the child of a minister.
The most important goal in raising a PK is to attend to his spiritual life. Ironically, parents in ministry, without realizing it, often fall into the trap of assuming that other people, including Bible-study or Sunday-school teachers, are passing on spiritual values to their children.
But cultivating a child’s spiritual growth is first and foremost a parent’s responsibility, not someone else’s. Praying for your children, talking through their doubts and questions, explaining the “whys” of your own church traditions and helping them mature in Christ is the heart of the exhortation to “bring them [your children] up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).
As the old saying goes, “God has no grandchildren.” Although we cannot pass on our salvation to our children, we must faithfully nurture them in their own walks with Christ.
During our child-raising years, certain sayings caught our attention and quickly became part of our parenting philosophy. We noticed that each saying reflected a valuable principle for both parent and child.
As our children grew and moved through the different stages of life, the sayings helped us remain focused on certain truths. They also related well to the PK’s world and his place in a ministerial culture. Maybe they will help you in raising your own PKs.
“Kids are people, too” (respect). When our daughter Wendy was 5 years old, I bought her a T-shirt that read, “Kids are people, too!” This little phrase was quickly incorporated into our family conversations (especially when she and her sister were protesting something). It reminded us that all healthy relationships must have respect as the cornerstone.
Respecting your child simply means that you give him the space to be an individual within the family. Every child is born with his own personalities, gifts, desires and interests. Each one is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:14). Respecting who God made him to be as a person is fundamental in developing a healthy, lifelong relationship.
Yet the element of respect takes on an added dimension in the PK world. Ministry parents may need to be more protective than other parents regarding their child’s privacy. When ministers share family illustrations, it’s good for them to remember that their children may not appreciate having things about them told to the whole church. (My daughters gave me permission to use references to them in this article.) Additionally, it is the parents’ job to protect their children from well-meaning people who ask too many questions. And parents must never use a child as a negative illustration or demean or ridicule him in any way.
Respect is the foundation of all healthy relationships and crucial to the connection we make with our children—because kids are people too!
“Accidents will happen” (grace). Children make mistakes, as we all do. The Encarta Dictionary defines a mistake as “an incorrect act or decision, an error or a misunderstanding.” Distinguishing between childish carelessness or mistakes and willful disobedience is important during child-rearing years. We used the phrase “Accidents will happen!” on numerous occasions to convey to our children that a childish mistake could easily be corrected—with no sense of shame or parental anger.
There is a tension in every area of life regarding grace and the law, especially when correcting children. A biblical parenting philosophy, guided by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit and solid counsel, will help parents discern the right response to their child’s behavior. If we want our children to grow into men and women who know how to show grace to others, we must show it to them ourselves. And we certainly want them to give grace to us in the future.
A large part of our responsibility to our children involves discipline. We do not give “grace” to our kids in the sense of excusing their poor behavior. But grace involves training them, walking beside them and teaching them daily.
In Ephesians 6:4, Paul exhorts Christian parents to bring up their children “in the training and admonition of the Lord.” The word training (Greek paideia) carries the idea of complete training and education of the child. Thayer’s Lexicon defines it as “the cultivation of minds and morals.”
The second word of verse 4, admonition, is from the Greek nouthesia. This word relates to correction, admonition and exhortation. The challenge comes in consistently implementing teaching, training and appropriate punishment.
As we give grace to our children, they will learn to give grace to others. I have found that people will say things to the pastor’s wife that they don’t have the nerve to say to her husband. They will say things to the pastor’s kids that they don’t have the nerve to say to their mom. Helping children and young people navigate these issues with grace and humor is invaluable to a PK.
Laughing with them about the craziness of ministry life and refusing to take things too personally is an indirect way of giving grace. Being the recipient of God’s grace enables us to give it to others and teach our children to do the same. “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy” (Matt. 5:8, NASB).
“Proud to be your dad and mom” (self-esteem). “Proud to be your dad!” How many times has my husband written those words to his children in notes, birthday cards or e-mails? His standard closing illustrates another vital principle in raising emotionally healthy children—that it is the parents’ job to build their self-esteem and sense of security.
I believe that other than instructing a child regarding salvation and encouraging spiritual growth, building his self-esteem is one of the most vital things parents can to do to prepare him for an emotionally mature adulthood. Proverbs 17:6 says, “Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father.” This verse indicates a child’s built-in need for the parents’ attention and approval. I am convinced that if a child misses this element in early childhood, he will spend the rest of his life looking for it.
How parents relate to a child will determine how well-developed his sense of security is. A preschool teacher once told me that we should always tell our children we are proud of them, especially when they do something obedient, thoughtful or well. We should then add, “Aren’t you proud of yourself?” This provides the satisfaction of not only receiving approval from others but also feeling good about oneself.
Affirming children’s interests, gifts, efforts and behavior helps to establish a strong sense of self-worth. When a child hears a parent’s praise, a deep emotional need is satisfied that helps him become a secure adult, with a sense of self-respect and worth. The security he feels will be an underlying factor in every decision and relationship he has in the future.
PKs are especially vulnerable to feeling insecure. If they hear criticism of their parents and the church, they will likely take it personally. Unfortunately, they usually hear criticism directed toward them and their parents much more than other children do, and dealing with that criticism will require extra attention and communication. Look for other authority figures in the lives of your PKs, such as teachers, coaches or parents of friends, who will help provide the affirmation your children need.
“It takes so little to be above average” (excellence). Years ago I had the opportunity to attend one of Florence Littauer’s CLASSeminars on developing leadership and speaking skills. I came home with a little phrase that was quickly incorporated into our family life.
Florence spoke on the topic of her book It Takes so Little to Be Above Average. She challenged us to think above average, lead above average, care above average, pray above average and so on. Her premise was that most of the world settles for the mediocre in life. As Christians, motivated by our desire to serve God, we should pursue excellence in every area of our lives.
Aspiring to do all things in an above-average way is akin to “going the second mile,” as Jesus encouraged us to do (see Matt. 5:38-42). Paul refers to this principle when he describes Christian behavior as “not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord” (Rom. 12:11).
“It takes so little to be above average” soon became a mantra around our house. When preparing a report, project or something for church, we asked ourselves, “Is this above average? Have I have made an extra effort to do it well?” Whether others recognized our effort was not important. What was important was giving 100 percent.
This principle will serve anyone well throughout life. Whether it’s put to use while attending college, establishing a home, raising children, entering the workforce, showing hospitality, or anything else, learning to think “above average” pushes us toward excellence.
Colossians 3:23-24 says: “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.” If we want to work and live “as to the Lord,” then we will give it our all and encourage our children to do the same because we do everything we undertake in service to Him.
“Always remember ...” (unconditional love). When we were raising our children, we began repeating a phrase whenever we dropped them off somewhere or left them to go on a trip: “Always remember something: I love you very much.” Because children squirm when their parents express love for them in front of others, we began to use only the first part of the phrase, “Always remember.” Others may not have understood what our girls were supposed to “always remember,” but they certainly did. It was our code for “Don’t ever forget that we love you.”
The need for unconditional love is the most primary of human emotional needs. Children will inevitably do things that don’t please their parents, and those will need to be addressed. But poor behavior does not change the fact that we love them, accept them as they are and seek the best for them.
In Old Testament times God spoke through the voice of His prophet Isaiah, reminding Israel that He had not forgotten His people. “Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you,” He told them (Is. 49:15). What a stunning statement of love. God uses an illustration of one of the most powerful forces of nature—maternal love and care—to describe the intensity of His love for His people.
Of course He is asking a rhetorical question. It is unthinkable for a mother to forget her nursing baby. But God says that even if a mother did forget, He would never forget His chosen people. The relationship of God with Israel shows the ultimate in unconditional love. Though His people failed Him time and time again, He continued to forgive, discipline and draw them back to Himself. May God give us the grace to do the same with our own children.
Raising spiritually and emotionally healthy children takes wisdom, energy and a great deal of prayer. But your task will be easier if you include the principles of respect, grace, self-esteem, excellence and unconditional love in your training—no matter what sayings you use to incorporate them.
Susie Hawkins served as the director of women’s ministry at Prestonwood Baptist Church in Dallas and has 30 years’ experience as a minister’s wife. She is the author of From One Ministry Wife to Another and is married to O.S. Hawkins, president of GuideStone Financial Resources. read more
Statistics prove that millions of Christians worldwide are leaving mainline denominations and adopting more charismatic/Pentecostal elements. How can a pastor help to guide these believers into a faith that’s both Spirit-filled and biblically grounded?
Most churches don’t take attendance and ask people where they come from when they first walk through their doors. If they did, they might be shocked and surprised to find that the rank-and-file charismatic church in America is no longer filled only with those who grew up in these kinds of churches. More and more our sanctuaries are being populated with Baptists, Methodists, Lutherans, and the most recent newcomers—Catholics.
They are coming in large numbers in search of a God who’s real and a place where He’ll show up in a way they have never experienced before. They’ve found something genuine in our churches, something beyond just another great Bible-based sermon, and are sensing His presence as never before—and they can’t get enough.
But problems sometimes arise when these precious newcomers want to move from the pew to the service ranks, or from attendee to member or leader. Many of them get tripped up, cast off or disillusioned as they encounter the doctrine behind the movement—a doctrine that flies in the face of everything they’ve ever been taught or thought to be true about who God is and what He has to say about all the charismatic “stuff.”
It is critical that churches and church leaders be spiritually sensitive regarding these transplants because for some, there is more at stake than the loss of a great religious experience. Some have been baptized as babies or confirmed as children and believe their place in eternity is secure, yet they’ve never had a true salvation experience or asked the King of kings to come in and be their Savior and Lord.
So how do we help them? As I have studied this situation during the last several years I have found that there are two key issues that surface again and again. The first is salvation, and the second is anything related to the Spirit-filled life: baptism in the Holy Spirit, tongues, healing and even the lifting of hands in worship.
The first issue, salvation, is the most important and pressing. It is possible for a person to love God, worship Him and in some sense look like a Christian, while never acknowledging God’s Son, Jesus Christ. Such a person is just as lost as the one who has never darkened the door of a church. You must interact with newcomers to find out where they are on their spiritual journeys: Ask the hard questions, explain and teach.
Listen to see if they use the name of Jesus or if they want to talk only about their love of God. Never forget that there is just one name given under heaven by which a man or woman can be saved, and that is “Jesus.”
There are two catch-points built into most churches: your membership process and your volunteer orientation or assimilation process. I realize that not all churches encourage membership, but hopefully all of us are doing some kind of screening and training of our volunteers and lay leaders.
These processes provide great opportunities to ask the harder questions about salvation and determine whether the most important decision they will ever need to make has been made. If it has not, then you will be able to ensure that they make it right then and there.
At our church we have a training session prior to our baptism services to be certain that the people understand what is about to happen and that they have actually experienced salvation. We have led so many people to Christ in the class that was to prepare them for baptism! And these were folks who had previously responded to altar calls.
Regarding altar calls, remember this: The power of the Holy Spirit can be strong over the life of a person, but so can emotion and anointed worship. They come to our altars desperately needing change. We must give them Jesus.
The Spirit-Filled Life
Now for the second issue: anything related to the Spirit-filled life. This issue often trips up the folks who come from churches or denominations where they have been taught the Word of God, or at least parts of it, and who love what they experience at your church but lose their way a bit when it comes to your doctrine.
Here are the topics with which some will struggle: a second baptism, tongues, healing and being slain in the Spirit. But if you take a minute and break down each one of these topics from the Scriptures, you can dispel many fears, questions and concerns people have about them.
And here is what I have found to be true more often than not: Those who we believe are so staunchly against these cornerstones of the charismatic or Pentecostal movement are not as opposed to them as you might think. They just need to see evidence for them in the Scriptures. When you show seeking believers many of the passages I am about to give you, they will often be seeing these for the first time in their Christian experience, and they will be blown away—or better yet, set free.
A second baptism. Most refer to this as the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Others call it a second filling or second experience subsequent and in addition to salvation. The basic premise is that while the Holy Spirit comes to dwell in us at salvation (we are the temple of the Holy Spirit), there is a second filling and anointing when the Holy Spirit comes upon us and fills us with power from on high.
Take the disciples, for example: They had walked with Christ and had all the knowledge and belief they would ever need for salvation. Yet Jesus told them to go and wait for the baptism of the Holy Spirit (see Acts 1). On the day of Pentecost, they received this promised gift (see Acts 2), and afterward they went out and did many incredible things, as recorded in the remainder of the book of Acts.
Many other Scriptures make it clear that the Holy Spirit was given apart from salvation, and sometimes several days after salvation (see Acts 2:4; 8:14-25; 10:44; 15:8; 19:1-7). The most convincing passage for me is Acts 9, which details the conversion of Paul. Most Christians will agree that Paul’s conversion took place on the road to Damascus, yet Scripture makes it abundantly clear that Paul received the Holy Spirit days later at the laying on of hands by Ananias.
Tongues. There is perhaps no topic more controversial in the body of Christ than the subject of speaking in tongues. Why? There is probably no simple answer to that question, but the good news is that you do not need to provide a long-winded expository defense of tongues in the church. Simply take people to the description of what happened in the upper room in Acts 2, then show them Acts 10:44 and 19:1-7. Additionally, you can show them 1 Corinthians 14:2—or the clearest mandate I know for the gift of tongues: 1 Corinthians 12-13. You can end by showing them the verse that says, “Do not forbid to speak with tongues” (1 Cor. 14:39).
Healing. Most churchgoers believe that God has the ability to heal someone—after all, He is God. And most can testify of a time when someone they know was healed. They just have a hard time when they think a man or a woman is taking credit for being the healer. This issue is simple to resolve: Never take the credit, and never exalt a man or a woman. Talk about the gift and even the process, but always give the credit to God and you’ll see this objection fade away.
Slain in the Spirit. This manifestation definitely raises the skeptical eyebrow of the newcomer—not so much because people fall over backward, but because they can easily come to one conclusion: The person falling over is faking it. I have actually had a person from a non-charismatic denomination tell me that people are either faking it or a spirit other than God is causing it. Often their judgment is the result of having had hands laid on them and seeing nothing happen.
This is also an easy issue to resolve, but not without instruction, explanation and mentoring. Show the skeptic all the places in the Bible that are accounts of a person encountering an angel or the angel of the Lord, and they’ll see the result is nearly always the same, whether in the Old Testament or the New Testament: The biblical character falls straight to the ground. So why would the result not be the same today when a person encounters the living God in the form of the Holy Spirit?
The Point of No Return
All the arguments mentioned above can be proved in one passage of Scripture. But first the setup: You will not find an evangelical from any denomination who does not believe and teach the Great Commission found in Matthew 28:18-20:
“And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, ‘All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.’”
But I have found many non-charismatic Christians who are shocked to find that there is a second version—a different telling by a different eyewitness to the same command—found in Mark 16:15:
“And He said to them, ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover’” (emphasis added).
The bottom line is that we have to teach, being ever conscious that there are those in our midst who are seeing and experiencing things they have never seen or experienced themselves and have been led to believe are fake—nothing more than emotionalism. And we also have to remember that many of these precious folks have crossed over a line of no return. They have been disowned by family and friends just for associating with charismatics and Pentecostals, let alone for attending your church.
Just ask any former Catholic or Baptist believer. A president of a well-known mission agency once disclosed in a magazine interview that while he was on the mission field, he prayed in another tongue. A week later, the organization asked for his resignation.
Unless we simply do not care about bringing newcomers into our midst, and unless we have become so selfish that we actually enjoy considering ourselves better than the rest—more enlightened, or as possessing something that only a chosen few can have—then we must always teach, explain, mentor and show the scriptural reasons and mandates for who we are, what we are and why we do what we do. To do less borders on either naiveté or spiritual arrogance.
They will know we are Christians by our love, and they will know we are charismatics by our exercising of the gifts—but they will judge our character by our fruit. And remember: Gifts without the fruit and without the love—well, you know the rest of that passage.
We’ve had enough gongs and clanging symbols for one generation. Let’s be salt and light and tour guides into the world of the supernatural, knowing all the while that the supernatural God we serve loves all His children and desires for all of them to receive His gifts.
Rich Rogers is the campus pastor of Free Chapel Worship Center in Irvine, Calif. read more
This "Conversation on Discipleship" is part of a series of conversations that gathered modern-day Christian pioneers Jack Hayford, Loren Cunningham, Henry Blackaby, Lloyd Ogilvie, John Perkins and Winkie Pratney in one place. For more videos from Conversations With Fathers of the Faith and to find out more about each leader, visit fathersofthefaith.com. read more
But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord oneday is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day (2 Peter 3:8).
So many people were being ushered into His presence during that season in our church. So many at that time were caught up into heaven, into that completeness. We began to hear the heartbeat of heaven. This depth of His presence was new for many. What we learned was that we were moving into true intercession. There was a mixture of love, joy and extreme heartbreak. This heartbreak that we would feel was from the extreme intense love that our Father had for His children all over the world. Like in the story of the prodigal son, we felt the Father missing them and longing for them to come back to Him and His love. Out of that longing , at the same time. We become, if I can redeem this word, "addicted" to His glorious presence.
Calling Forth His Desires
In these times I often "see" faces, places, and situations in my mind's eye. I often feel like God is showing me things that I need to think about and "brood over" in the way that a mother hen broods over her eggs. Genesis 1:1 says, "Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness. God's Spirit brooded like a bird above the watery abyss" (The Message Bible). To be honest, most of the time when I am in this place, I just agree. I agree with the plans that God already has for people's lives, for regions, and for the earth. "Yes God." "Do that God." "Go there, Father." "That's amazing, Lord Jesus." When I pray this way, I feel as though I am praying from His heart. It is almost as though I am calling forth the very desires that are already in the heart of God, as though I am calling them into existence.
In those times, I feel as though I become the very "womb of God." "He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water'" (John 7:38). The words innermost being come from the word, koilia, which means "womb." We are the womb of God. In our intercessions, we are creating and birthing the things of heaven. We carry the life of the kingdom within us. It will flow out of us in our intercessions.
No Agendas Required
When any of us go into God's presence, when we tap into the realm of heaven, we position ourselves to receive great breakthrough. One of the things that we need to be careful about is not going before God with our own agendas. Sometimes I think we go before God and we already have an idea of what we want God to do, so we close ourselves off from receiving and partnering with God and what He may want to do in the moment. In fact, God may want to do something completely different. It is almost like we say, "Here God, here is my idea, now do it my way." When we do that, we handcuff God. We are no longer partnering with Him.
Often, when people ask me to pray for them, they come with an agenda-or an idea-of what they want to ask God to do. When I am praying for people and I ask them what they need prayer for, sometimes their requests are not what is on God's agenda for the moment. We need to learn how to be sensitive and move with the Holy Spirit. The same with intercession; we need to listen to the heartbeat of God and not always present our stuff to Him. It's not that our agendas are wrong or right and there are times for that. But when I just want to spend time with God and feel his presence, I don't bring any agenda.
I remember one time while I was praying, a man's face came before me. He was an Asian man. When I saw his face, I began agreeing with God on behalf of this man. I still to this day do not know anything about this man nor do I understand what I was praying about concerning him. You never know. It could have been an intervention prayer, a prayer that saved that man's life. Or, it could have been that I was praying for a whole people group. Some things will not be known this side of eternity. It is important that we learn to respond to His leading- even when there will be no immediate gratification from seeing an answer in the natural.
Another time I woke up praying for one of our sons, Brian. I prayed for his safety. Right after I prayed, we got a call from him in the middle of the night telling us that he was driving home from a trip down south. He had fallen asleep at the wheel while driving and had run off the road. He called to tell us that he was OK. I was so thankful that I had been woken up to pray.
Intercession is just the fruit of being with Him. It was birthed in my own heart because of spending time with Him. I go into His presence to love Him, to experience "spirit-to-spirit"-His Spirit with my spirit. When I experienced this for the first time, I remember just being with Him and feeling our hearts connecting. It felt like my heart was picking up the same heartbeat as His-His heart "liquid love." His heart was broken for humanity. Our two hearts are intertwined. When you feel that, when you see His heart broken and His amazing love, your only response can be to pray with burning passion-compassion for a lost generation.
Whatever God has promised gets stamped with the Yes of Jesus. In him, this is what we preach and pray, the great Amen, God's Yes and our Yes together, gloriously evident (2 Corinthians 1:20 The Message Bible).
The amazing thing to me is that God is waiting for us to enter into Him. He is longing for us to see His world, to see into that glorious realm of His kingdom. He is wanting us to partner with Him for heavenly breakthrough.
God Likes Our Ideas
God's yes together with our yes are what brings about breakthrough in prayer. I'm continually amazed that God would choose to partner with us. But, at the same time, it makes all the sense in the world that He would want us to join with Him in making history. We are, after all, His children. He is a great and all- powerful God and also a loving and caring Father who, I believe, wants to be involved in our lives. Incredibly, He also wants us to be involved in His kingdom. He wants us to help build His kingdom here on earth. I believe that God likes my ideas. Some of the prophetic acts that we do come from the Lord, but I think that some of the things we do are good ideas that the Father says, "Yeah, that's good."
I am convinced that God likes my ideas. So, when I pray, I pray from a place of security. It is like I go into prayer believing that God is on my side. Let me give you an example. We took a team to Croatia in 2007. It was one of the most amazing prayer trips I've ever been on. One of the places that we planned on going to was a concentration camp outside of Zagreb, the capital of Croatia. During World War II many Jews, Serbs, Gypsies, anyone who was not a Croat, were put to death. It was pretty brutal. We had joined with our missionary friends and a national pastor and his wife to go there and pray. How do you pray for such a huge, devastating thing? I had been praying, pondering how we could make a difference and help bring healing to a land of much bloodshed. The idea came to get a bottle of wine and have it poured out on the land. We had been praying in one of the towns that morning and I had honestly wondered if this wine thing was what we were to do. I mentioned to some of the group that we needed to get a bottle of wine before we left for the concentration camp but purposely dismissed it still thinking that it might not be the right thing to do. One of the gals on the team spoke up and said, "Are we going to get the wine before we go to the camp?" "OK. Let's get it," I said.
I hadn't told the national pastors what we were going to do yet. You see, I felt like the pastor and his wife were to pour the wine out on the ground as a prophetic sign of reconciliation prayer. Srecko, the national pastor, is Croatian and his wife, Inas, is Serbian. If you don't know, those were two of the many ethnic groups involved not only in World War II but also in the Bosnian War of the early 1990s. So I explained to this wonderful pastor and his wife the idea of pouring out the wine on the ground, and then as we prayed together believing that God would cover the bloodshed over the land with His blood. They held the bottle together and poured. They had never done anything like this before, but were so gracious. While they poured the wine out, I was watching their 6-year-old son playing. He was so carefree and happy. His bloodline represented two warring ethnic groups. His generation would no longer have the pain of war. There would be healing.
Was this my idea or the Holy Spirit's idea? I don't know. It just felt really right. I feel like our lives can be so intertwined with God's that our thoughts, feelings and even what we do are melted together with His. When God made us just the way we are, He liked what He made. He likes everything about us. I believe He enjoys our ideas, and we in turn like His ideas. God chooses us. He chose David.
It says that God chose David and it was in David's heart to build a house for the Lord. God told David in verse 18, "David, you did well that it was in your heart." Wow! That is our God. God chose a man who He knew would say, "Yes!" God said, "yes" to David, and everything else is history. God's yes to you and your yes to Him are all that is needed.
When our daughter Leah was expecting her first baby, she asked with permission from her husband if I would be the coach for her. I had had three children by natural birth, and she told me, "You're the pro, Mom." It was an honor for me. I told my husband afterwards that it was the most amazing experience and the hardest work I've done since I had my own kids.
God is always breaking into our natural world and showing us the spirit realm. That's what happened in this birthing experience with our daughter. In a natural birth you can invite friends and family into the labor room. Our daughter is a very social being and loved having those friends and family visit up until the time of the birth. As you may know, towards the end of the labor there is a time that is the most intense. It takes all of your concentration just to make it through the contraction. We were at that place. Whenever a contraction would start, we would release peace over Leah, and then the focus was all on her part to listen to my instructions. One of our friends came into the room at one of those moments and began talking, not really paying attention to the intensity of what was going on. Leah seemed to be OK with it. After the delivery, I asked her about the distraction in the room. She told me that she really didn't notice because she was so focused on my voice and what I was telling her to do. As she told me that, I had a revelation of intercession. When God gives us strategies to pray-you know, the ones that we burn with-we can become so focused on His voice that we don't become distracted. Nothing can take us away from his voice. There were times during her delivery that we would lock eyes as well. It was how she got through the intense times. She drew strength from looking into my eyes. There was an intensity in my eyes or determination that she picked up on and could keep going.
There are times in our lives when we must stay closer, locking onto His words and His vision. God gives us prayer strategies, and we look to Him for focus and understanding on how to pray with results. Then the birthing will come.
By the way, the baby that was born that day to our son-in-law and daughter was named him Judah (Hebrew for "praise"). The result of our steadfast focus can only be praise for Him.
When I pray from the heart of God, I become so lost in the presence of God that it feels like the only thing I am listening to is the voice of God. In that place, His heart, His plans, His voice become so real it is almost like we become one. At those times, it feels like I pray with Him. When I am in that place, all I have to do is agree with God and partner with the things that are already on His heart. Those are the times when we pray together, and I begin to co-labor with God through my prayers. Those are the times where I begin to see real breakthrough, no agenda required. read more
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